I’m a GP – five ways to relieve holiday stress

Although Christmas is supposed to be a time of rest, happy families, and a general sense of merriment, for many of us it can be the complete opposite. On the contrary, the holiday season is marked by stress, exhaustion and many arguments.

If this sounds familiar, fear not. Our resident GP, Dr Radha Modgil, is here to answer your questions about the relationship and wellbeing issues you are currently facing…

Christmas is stressful every year. What is the most practical way to stay calm in the midst of chaos?

Try to identify the real source of your stress and resolve the problem there. Is it financial, practical, emotional or social? Sometimes certain themes recur every year, and other years there may be a particular, unique area of ​​stress in your life that Christmas highlights and exacerbates.

No matter how stressful, preparation and planning always helps. Write a list of things you need to do and start working on it slowly but surely. Additionally, using some timely techniques such as deep breathing, exercise, and mindfulness can be helpful.

Above all, remember that no matter what we see on TV adverts or in magazines, nothing can ever be perfect and the pursuit of perfectionism at Christmas can, in itself, cause just the opposite.

Take the pressure off and remember that this is just one day out of 365 days of the year ahead.

I can’t take care of half my family – how can I stop arguing with them?

You can’t change people – only they can change themselves. And they are unlikely to choose to do so at Christmas, unless a festive miracle is planned. Realizing this helps lower your expectations, reduces resistance, and can help you become realistic that you will face challenges in this area again.

Every relationship dynamic and argument involves two people, and so if you can’t change them, then all you can try to do is change what you bring to that Christmas table. Identify particular hot spots and triggers for what they say or do, or times and traditions that trigger arguments, and make a plan for how you will respond differently, or more precisely, respond in one way different.

Responding means you take a breath, notice the potential trigger, and use your conscious brain to choose another path. It might actually be saying nothing at all, or smiling, or changing the subject, or subtly leaving the room to use the bathroom, or offering to do work that requires you to go out. Anything that creates space.

Make a promise to yourself that every time you are able to react differently, you will earn an internal bonus point for yourself, like in a video game, which you will “cash in” to please yourself later. It can also help to let out all those pent-up emotions later in the day or week by going for a walk, singing loudly, or calling your best friend for a rant.

I’m single and I’m tired of answering questions about this: how should I deal with this?

First, recognize that it’s not necessarily the question itself, but perhaps more the energy, implications, and intent behind the question being asked and how it’s being asked, as well as by whom and in what context. Sometimes the people who care for us ask us in a context and with a caring or helpful energy.

But if you feel this way about the question, it’s either because the person who keeps asking it is portraying you as single in a negative way, is being nosy or intrusive, or is judging you, or she is good The question of intention only triggers what you feel within yourself.

Determine which one it is and work with it to find a solution. If it’s other people, recognize that anything others try to “criticize” or judge is often a reflection of something wrong with them – they may be unhappy in their own relationship, bored of their own life, or having low self-esteem and then trying to put yourself down, try to lift yourself up.

If this comes up, take a breath, smile, and end the conversation with a simple, concise answer about how happy you are as you are, then turn the question around and ask them how things are with them, or shut up. simply. completely.

If the question is well-intentioned, think about how you feel and think about being single. Before Christmas Day, write a list of the benefits of being single – what benefits it brings, what you would miss out on by being single, and also what opportunities it opens up for you.

Re-read this every day until Christmas and start to understand who you are and what life is bringing you right now. So when this conversation comes up, you will be more sure of how you feel about yourself.

Everyone around me is cheerful, but I’ve had a tough year and I’m just not feeling it – what should I do?

Every Christmas brings different feelings depending on what happened during the year. And that’s more than okay.

When we suppress our feelings, put things down, and pretend, no one benefits – neither us nor the people who love us and those around us. You need to figure out what kind of Christmas you need this year, not the kind of Christmas you “should” have or the kind of Christmas other people want you to be a part of.

If you need space, set boundaries about who you will be with, where you will go, and for how long. Tell people now what you’re going to do and stick to it so the feelings aren’t too overwhelming and they know you’re feeling vulnerable and need support.

If you want to remember someone you love and have lost, think about how you can do that this Christmas – perhaps by writing about them in a journal, creating a memory book or visiting a special place he loved. Emotions are completely valid and acceptable every day of the year, even if it’s Christmas Day, and you are allowed to express how you feel and give yourself what you need without judgment from others or yourself. -even.

If you need to cry, do it; if you feel sad and want to be alone, you can be; if you need to be with a few select people who love you, then be with them; and if you have to leave earlier than usual, do so.

Being authentic and telling people how you feel brings us closer to others and benefits our relationships, so don’t be afraid to be yourself.

I find Christmas exhausting and always return to work less rested than ever. How can I avoid this this year?

The fundamental question here is: what does Christmas mean to you? It may vary from year to year, but ultimately it means different things to all of us: it could be family time, a time of rest and relaxation, or a time where you enjoy being busy socially, or find some peace and quiet. .

If you’re starting to feel like Christmas is actually more “hard work” than fun, and you’re starting to feel like a chore, stress, and something that’s detrimental to your well-being and health, then it’s time to rewrite your Christmas story.

Identify why you feel so tired: is it the expectations of others, are you bad at delegating, do you love people and put yourself last, or are you a perfectionist? Realize that these previous patterns are traps that deny you yourself and what you need.

Start asking others to lend a hand, delegate, and take the pressure off you. Maybe book somewhere to go for Christmas lunch, or someone else can host you. Start saying no to things, people and commitments and just have a few days without any responsibilities to anyone or anything.

Determine what makes you feel rested: is it sleeping, is it time to yourself, is it escaping and watching movies for a few hours, is it taking a long walk or relaxing? get involved in a hobby you love and do something completely different and go somewhere new. And do it.

At first, you may encounter a little resistance from others, but if you continue to make changes slowly but surely, in a few years your festive story will be completely different from the past.