Woman feels forced to quit job so she can raise daughter-in-law’s baby

Often, the role of grandparents is called into question. While some adults want their parents to be heavily involved in their children’s education, others would prefer grandparents to stay out of the way and offer help when needed, without overstepping boundaries or cause problems.

However, for one woman on Reddit, helping turned into parenting after finding herself expected to take on the maternal role of her stepdaughter’s baby.

A woman admitted she felt pressure to quit her job so she could raise her daughter-in-law’s baby.

Posting on the r/AITA subreddit, the 38-year-old shared that she married her husband, Sam, five years ago. Her husband knew she never wanted to have children, which was fine with him.

He had a daughter, Leah, 25, to whom she became a stepmother at the age of 15. Leah’s biological mother died when she was 10, and the two got along pretty well and had a pretty healthy and loving relationship. Over a year ago, Leah got pregnant by her boyfriend, which is when the drama started.

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“Her boyfriend didn’t want to keep the baby but she wanted to keep him. He broke up with her,” the woman recalled in her message. “Leah came back to live with us because she couldn’t afford her lifestyle without him. She worked as a teacher and he was the breadwinner.”

She expressed concerns about how she was going to raise a child on a teacher’s salary and suggested her daughter-in-law ask her ex-boyfriend to start paying child support to help her to meet expenses. But her husband argued that she should just stay out of their affairs, so she stepped back from any involvement.

Once her daughter-in-law had her baby, she quickly realized she was in over her head.

“Leah seemed to realize that having a baby wasn’t the sunshine and rainbows she thought it would be. She barely slept in the last four months. During that time, Sam l “helped with the baby while I did almost all the chores myself,” she continued.

“Now her leave is coming to an end. She didn’t want to leave (her) baby in daycare or with a nanny. Sam and I work too.”

At one point, her daughter-in-law asked her if she could stay home with the baby.

Despite her daughter-in-law’s insistence, she insisted on not staying home with the baby because not only does she have a job she doesn’t want to leave, but she also never considered to raise a child.

The woman’s husband wants her to take a more active role with her grandchild, but she does not want to be a surrogate parent.

After saying no, his stepdaughter ended up going to her father, but when Sam asked her, she stood her ground.

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When she asked her daughter-in-law why she couldn’t stay home, Leah responded that she was young and wanted to spend her time building a career rather than being a stay-at-home mom.

Leah broke down with her mother-in-law, telling her that she felt tired all the time and that being a mom wouldn’t be fulfilling enough because she wanted to devote her time to fueling her other interests and passions.

“Sam feels bad for her and thinks we should help her. I suggested she pay for a nanny from her earnings, but Leah doesn’t want strangers looking after her baby. Both are pressuring me to I’m staying home with the baby so she can go to work. I stand by my decision,” she added.

While it is devastating that Leah is feeling all this emotion and stress of being a new mom, her mother-in-law should not be seen as the person who has to stay home and help raise a baby who is not not even his.

A good compromise might be to have her stepmom and dad contribute to childcare costs and other childcare necessities if Leah doesn’t want to quit her job and stay home, which she shouldn’t have to do if she doesn’t want to either.

Her daughter-in-law did not ask for help but instead asked her mother-in-law to give up her entire career to take care of her baby.

That’s an unrealistic request to ask of anyone, and no one should ever feel like they have to sacrifice their personal goals or professional accomplishments to take on someone else’s responsibilities, especially for something important. ‘as long as raising and caring for a baby.

Nia Tipton is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics focused on psychology, relationships and the human experience.