What is emotional flooding? | Psychology today

Unexpected events or surprising announcements have the power to trigger a stress response, also known as the fight-flight-freeze mechanism. In recent post-election weeks, some of us have experienced heightened reactions due to what is known as an “emotional flood.” When we perceive a threat to our physical or emotional safety, this perception activates our sympathetic nervous system and we may respond with fear, panic, or other accompanying emotional and physiological reactions.

Imagine that your mind is a filing cabinet and every emotion that you haven’t been able to fully process has been placed in a drawer. Now pretend someone is coming from behind, abruptly tipping your filing cabinet forward so that all the drawers open and every unresolved or unexamined feeling is dumped onto the floor. This is what it feels like to be emotionally flooded.

According to researcher John Gottman, the average person needs 20 minutes for their body to reset after being flooded with emotions. Twenty minutes is a long time to watch helplessly while someone you care about is scared and panicking. It’s even more overwhelming if this happens to you. And the reset only happens if feelings of well-being are restored.

The difference between a flood and more manageable stressful experiences is intensity. Floods happen quickly, often unexpectedly, and they always overwhelm our sense of security, even if we are not really in danger.

Although flooding is often associated with mental health vulnerabilities that some adults and children face regularly (such as social anxiety, depression, grief and trauma), it can happen to anyone, any time.

Given the unprecedented times we live in, flooding is a predictable and increasingly likely response when we face change and the unexpected.

The good news is that we can develop proactive adaptation strategies to minimize the risk of flooding, as well as reactive techniques to help reduce the intensity of episodes if they occur.

Proactive Strategies for Dealing with Emotional Floods

1. Learn about flooding.

The experience is less scary when you realize that everyone experiences it and that the way your body responds to stress is normal. Yet I believe in the mantra, If you can predict it, you can prepare for it. New knowledge about our fight, flight, or freeze response will not cause an episode. Rather, examining what intense emotions look and feel like for you in general, and what often provokes these emotions, is a powerful first step toward minimizing and normalizing the experience.

2. Let your loved ones know what you need in these moments.

Talk with friends about this basic human response to fear. It’s likely they were also victims of flooding, and your revelation will help you both. Indeed, when you talk about it, you are saying, “This happens to all of us at one time or another, and if it happens to me, I will need your support.” If this happens to you, I will be here for you too.

3. Save the problem resolution for later.

Be sure to let your loved ones know that while you are generally open to help, you are not willing to find solutions to difficult or complex situations in the middle of a flood. When intense emotions arise, it is not the time to address issues. Together, let us agree to adopt the guiding principle: Feelings first, actions follow. Remember that once a sense of security is restored, you will have ample opportunity to review the situation and what triggered the flooding.

Reactive Techniques for Dealing with Emotional Floods

Keep in mind that each person’s flood threshold is unique. Triggers and symptoms also vary between people. Even with an open dialogue, you will still need to be prepared if the experience of an emotional flood surprises you.

Here’s how:

1. Convey a sense of calm.

Once you realize you are caught in the flood current, the best way to help is to change your own reactions. This involves less talking and direction, and more expressions of empathy for what is happening to you neurologically.

2. Act with compassion.

Regardless of our age, when the stress response is activated, rational thought is inaccessible to us. Until we feel safe, we are not able to solve problems effectively. We also aren’t able to fully explain why we’re so upset in the first place. Without the ability to find perspective, it is not possible to convince a person in a fight-flight-freeze situation that they are not in danger. The brain tells the body just the opposite. Be kind to yourself.

3. Remember to resolve problems only after a sense of security has been restored.

Resist your own efforts to get out of the flood state by trying to fix things. We lose some of our capacity for rational thought when we experience an intense emotional response. Be patient. Getting out of the stress response is a neurological process that takes time, especially if you are sensitive to stress.

4. Practice breathing, grounding, and bending

The path to calming your sympathetic nervous system involves three steps that you already know.

Breathing. The practice of deep breathing is the most effective way to restore a state of balance in our body. Inhaling through our nose, holding our breath for a count of three, and then slowly exhaling air, allows higher order brain functions to intervene so that we can more accurately assess the perceived threat and what we might do to resolve it.

Grounding or the action of making bodily contact with safe objects in the environment stabilizes our physiology at our deepest levels. Have you ever noticed that when you feel dizzy, your natural tendency is to sit up? In case of flooding, sit or place your back to the wall. These simple actions engage the senses, allowing the brain and body to regain their balance. Calming activities like yoga, playing music, or proactively making art can also ground you and reduce stress over time.

Leaning Turning to trusted friends and family members for support requires the ability to ask for help when you need it. Knowing your safe spaces and kind people is an essential skill at any age. Dealing with stress is always less overwhelming when it is done in connection with others.

These next few months and years will likely bring an ongoing whirlwind of feelings. Yet with a proactive and reactive approach, you don’t need to be completely caught off guard by the intensity of emotions that can arise. If you don’t feel equipped to manage on your own, consider hiring a therapeutic professional who specializes in creating a repertoire of mindfulness techniques. No one needs to go it alone. By being aware and prepared, you can meet the next challenge with resilience.