Psychology Says If You Can Master These 9 Skills, You’ll Be the Calmest Person in the Room

I was a pretty nervous guy growing up. But I spent a lot of time and energy calming down. Some strategies didn’t work at all and made me even more tense. But a lot of things helped.

Mental well-being is maintained through good physical health and thought management, which are developed over the long term as a practice. I combined my fascination with human behavior and my curiosity to live a calmer, more relaxed life.

If you can master these nine skills, you’ll be the calmest person in the room:

1. Focus only on activities that bring joy to your life

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When I found myself doing fascinating work like drawing and writing (and writing things I really cared about), I was in flow most of the time. It deeply affected my mind and transferred these high energy effects to all areas of life.

Focusing on activities and experiences that bring you joy and a sense of fulfillment, often described as “things that give you life,” can significantly improve your overall well-being, leading to increased happiness, more greater life satisfaction, better mental health and greater motivation to achieve your goals. According to a 2019 study, it promotes a more positive and engaged lifestyle by aligning your energy with what really matters to you.

2. Complain less

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When we stop focusing on what we don’t like around us, practice non-resistance, and simply take action, we literally empower ourselves.

According to a 2015 study published in the European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology, complaining makes you feel worse for days.

“Discussing events immediately during or after they occur forces the brain to relive or ‘rehearse’ the negative emotional response,” the researchers write. “This creates a stronger association in memory, exaggerating the influence of the emotional episode.”

3. Taking your thoughts less seriously

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I wish I had known earlier how much nonsense is contained in thoughts. Too many of us take them as gospel truths about how life should be lived.

Thoughts are only approximations and there is no need to listen to every one. Instead, I incorporated more walking and weightlifting into my week.

When I exercise, oxygen circulates more efficiently in my blood. Endorphins increase. My mood improves. A week without exercise makes my body feel stagnant, and that’s when stress and anxiety arise.

If people embrace the concept of stress, it can make them stronger, brighter and happier, says a Stanford expert. “Stress is not always harmful,” said Kelly McGonigal, a business school professor at Stanford University and a program developer for the Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. “Once you understand that stress makes you better, it can be easier to take on each new challenge.”

The Stanford News Service interviewed McGonigal, who recently published a new book, The benefits of stress, on the subject. Initial research has shown that viewing stress as a helpful part of life, rather than a harmful one, is associated with better health, emotional well-being, and productivity at work, even during stressful times. pupil.

4. Avoid Seeking Validation

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This need was rooted in a lie: that others had the power to elevate my self-esteem.

It’s a lie and you need to stop thinking that. The only validation you need is the compassion that naturally arises for yourself and others when you care less.

5. Think less about yourself

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I like to take care of my appearance, my general health, my hygiene, buying decent clothes and that sort of thing. This is essential self-care.

But beyond that, I make it a point to THINK less about myself. When there are fewer things to think about myself, my self-awareness decreases and my focus redirects to the things worth thinking about:

“What can I create and how can I help others?” »

A Vagaro survey found that 67% of respondents said self-care increased their productivity. In comparison, 64% of those surveyed said taking care of themselves boosted their self-confidence.

6. Accept your flaws

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It’s possible. It starts with forgiving yourself for what you perceived as “bad” in your past. It wasn’t bad.

You simply apply that thinking to what happened, which makes your current self feel bad. You did what you knew was right at that time. Forgive yourself and move on. It’s a huge weight on your back. Then accept yourself. That’s how it is. Pass.

7. Understand the mind/tension connection

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It was huge for me. The more things we have on our minds, the more stress we feel. You know this because you feel bad when the volume of your thoughts is high, like when you worry.

Most people try to use their thoughts to calm themselves. They try to think positive thoughts. They think it’s a mental relief.

No, no, that’s not the case. The gateway to true calm is accessible via the physical: the body. Relax the body and your mind calms down.

Research from 2017 demonstrated a strong connection between the mind and physical tension, highlighting how psychological stress and emotional states can manifest physically through muscle tension, particularly in the neck, shoulders and jaw.

8. See the link between consuming waste and feeling bad

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I still often eat junk. But I know now to expect to feel like the trash I’m eating when I do it.

Understanding it makes all the difference. I no longer need to worry about the source of my “depression” if I spent the last week smoking, watching explicit content, and eating processed foods.

Research conducted by Srinivas University indicates that frequent consumption of fast food can have significant negative impacts on mental and physical health, mainly due to its high levels of saturated fats, refined sugars and processed ingredients, which can contribute to inflammation, weight gain, and inflammation. increased risk of chronic diseases, including potential links to depression and anxiety disorders.

9. Take full responsibility for yourself

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Many people questioned this decision. They say: “I cannot be held responsible for the fighting in a distant land. »

Yes, yes, you can. How? Because your mind creates your entire reality. This is powerful, because if we take responsibility for what isn’t working, we are in control of our lives.

When we fail to take our rightful share of responsibility, we risk losing our sense of power or sense of control over our actions. This feeling of control over what we do and what we don’t do is called “a sense of agency” or, as psychologist James W. Moore described it in a 2016 article in Frontiers in Psychology, a “feeling of being in control”. seat when it comes to our actions.

Research published in Clinical Psychology Review in 2023 showed that a sense of agency gives us a greater sense of competence, even when it involves taking responsibility for mistakes or negative behaviors.

Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a lucrative personal brand through your knowledge and skills while remaining mentally resilient.