DEAR ABBY: Husband is quick to dismiss his wife’s opinions

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have three adult children, who still live at home. I always thought that once they graduated from college and got a good job, they should start paying rent. Because my husband had to pay rent while still living at home, he said he would never do that to his children.

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Our eldest, “Samantha”, is now 31 years old. She has a well-paying job and drives an expensive car. She does almost nothing around the house but buys her own food and toiletries.

The other two help a lot around the house, often without being asked. Sometimes Samantha does something, but I have to ask it several times, and usually weeks pass before it’s done. She can’t afford to move because she has significant student debt. Besides, why would she move when she lives rent-free and comes and goes as she pleases? Even his dog lives here for free.

My husband and I have had many discussions about this, at my request, and it just leads to us arguing and feeling resentful towards him. I couldn’t push through anything without his support because apparently my opinion doesn’t matter, so I just stay angry and wonder why I’m here. How can I make him understand how wrong he is and finally stop our daughter from walking all over us? — FRUSTRATED IN NEW JERSEY

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DEAR FRUSTRATED: Disagreements over child-rearing have destroyed marriages. Children should never be allowed to move between their parents, which seems to have happened in your case. Having your husband make you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter is terrible. Does this lack of respect spill over into aspects of your relationship other than this disagreement? At 31 (!) and with a paid job, your daughter should have started taking on certain responsibilities years ago. Talk to a licensed mental health professional and you may learn how to be more assertive.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m in a relationship with a lovely man. He respects, likes, and accepts me (flaws and all), and we get along great. He is the other half of me.

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Things are going well, except he has really horrible breath lately, like a bad tooth or something. I’ve always been the quiet, shy type, I never mention things that bother me (my children’s father abused me for several years) and I feel uncomfortable talking. But Abby, her bad breath is driving me crazy. When he tries to kiss me, I give him a few kisses but feel put off by the unpleasant smell.

How can I approach this issue with tact and respect? I don’t want to embarrass him. How can I talk about it? — POSTPONED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR REPORT: Talk about it NOT as criticism, but because you love and care about him. Don’t do it for yourself but for HIM. He may have a problem with his teeth, gums or digestive system. For the sake of his general health, he should be examined, first by his dentist and possibly later by his doctor.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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