Dad Feels Guilty for Seeking Therapy Instead of Taking His Sick Kids to the Doctor

Being a parent is hard. Every step you take and every decision you make impacts your children, like the butterfly effect. It is common for parents to be so concerned about the well-being of their little ones that they neglect their own well-being. Worse yet, when they occasionally take the time to take care of themselves, it comes at the expense of guilt.

A single father questioned whether he made the right parenting decision after choosing to go to his therapy appointment while his children were sick.

Posting on the r/Parenting subreddit, he said he felt “terrible” for putting himself before his children and spoke of the shame he felt.

A father struggled with parental guilt after seeking therapy instead of taking his sick children to the doctor.

“I’m a single father of twins. We’ll call them Alexa and Siri. I co-parent with my daughter’s mother and we share custody 50/50. We have a great co-parenting relationship and rarely run into any problems.” he began at his post.

He explained that he had recently started going to therapy and had noticed a positive change in his mental health as he resolved some of the issues he had been dealing with for some time. However, his frequent therapy visits ended up being the reason he suddenly felt shame as a parent, although going to therapy and actively seeking to heal any type of trauma is always a step in the right direction and should never be a source of guilt. In fact, the percentage of American men seeking therapy has also increased by 30% in recent years.

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“Recently their mother came down with the flu one of her days and the next day after the exchange Alexa had a fever. I gave her some medicine, took her to work with me and left Siri going to daycare that day she wasn’t sick,” he continued. Since he usually attends therapy every two weeks, he never wants to miss an appointment.

Their mother offered to take Alexa for about an hour while he went and assured him that she had taken medicine and was starting to feel better. Relieved but a little hesitant, he drops his daughter off and goes to her therapy appointment.

After her appointment, the father noticed that his daughter was getting sicker and sicker.

“When I picked her up, she was fine, but later that night her fever came back and Siri also had a fever. My mom offered to watch them so I wouldn’t have to worry. off work, but their fever got high and I had to take them to the emergency room, Siri only had a cold, but Alexa had an ear infection AND the flu,” he recalls.

He admitted that he felt really upset about the situation because he should have just canceled his therapy appointment and not let his daughter stay with her mother.

He pointed out that it was very likely that she had contracted the flu, so now they are all sick, along with her mother and stepfather. Now he feels “terrible” about the whole debacle and thinks that if he hadn’t prioritized himself, none of this would have happened.

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Parents should never feel guilty for prioritizing their health and well-being.

It’s extremely easy as a parent, especially a single father, to fall into this pit of shame and guilt over decisions that honestly couldn’t have been avoided.

Kids get sick all the time, and it’s possible that her kids are probably contagious and aren’t showing symptoms yet. There really wasn’t anything he could have done differently to prevent it.

His children were placed in a responsible daycare while he received therapy. He gave them medical attention and they are on the mend.

When it comes to being a single father, in particular, there are often many stigmas associated with it, from people questioning their parenting to societal expectations of what they’re supposed to do.

This probably has something to do with the fact that single mothers outnumber single fathers. Census data indicates that of the nearly 11 million single-parent households in the United States, only 20% are headed by a father.

As long as his kids are safe and healthy, he’s doing a good job! As many people pointed out in the comments section, he’s definitely worrying about something that doesn’t require his energy.

Nia Tipton is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics focused on psychology, relationships and the human experience.