You can overcome the fear of being sick: it ruled my life after childhood trauma… but now I know the steps to recovering from it – here’s how

It was New Year’s Eve and I was partying with friends in Edinburgh. At 18, I had put myself in a hyper-aware state of all the drunk partygoers when I saw a man throwing up on the sidewalk.

Such was my revulsion, my pure, blind terror at the sight of it, that I went into fight-or-flight mode, crossing three busy lanes of traffic with my hands over my ears and my eyes half-closed. My friend screamed, a horn sounded, but I made it to the other side, panic overwhelming me.

This perfectly illustrates the extent of my vomiting phobia. I was less afraid of being hit by three lanes of cars than of seeing someone get sick.

This wasn’t the first time this fear had gotten the better of me – although it was probably the most dramatic.

Waking up with a racing heart after nightmares of vomiting; replay historical illness scenarios; feeling intense fear when someone says they don’t feel well or coughs loudly on a train. I have experienced them all.

As a mother of three young children, I also know what it’s like to feel like a failure because you struggle to comfort your own sick child. In fact, because of the fear of morning sickness, you wonder if you will be able to handle motherhood. And as winter vomiting begins again, many others may feel a dull thud of panic.

Emetophobia is the fear of vomiting or seeing others vomit. And it’s more common than you think: it affects up to 3 percent of men and 6 to 8 percent of women. But this is often misunderstood or seen as an overreaction.

However, if you are one of the victims, there is hope. As a therapist, I can assure you that you can free yourself from this phobia. Even if, like me, it has dominated much of your life.

I suspect my own emetophobia dates back to when I was five and my two-year-old sister was diagnosed with brain cancer, which caused her to vomit. It was a hectic time, driven by radiotherapy appointments and side effects.

Tragically, she died when I was ten – the age my oldest is now. Surrounded by grief, I didn’t want to burden anyone by telling them about my anxiety, so it grew.

However, you certainly don’t need to have suffered a devastating loss to develop this phobia. It could be a traumatic event such as food poisoning or a stomach virus as a child. There may not be a single defining moment that you can pinpoint, there were simply times when you felt scared and out of control when you were sick.

It may also be linked to other fears and forms of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Symptoms can range from mild fear to brain-taxing rumination and apprehension.

As for me, for ten years, my body did not allow me to be physically ill. But then I became a college student and too many drinks quickly downed made me sick. Although I felt physical relief in that moment, it didn’t combat my fears.

The phobia followed me through marriage, causing me to fear pregnancy due to morning sickness. However, at that time, I was training to become a therapist, so I realized that I couldn’t let my fear have so much power over my dreams.

Ironically, however, during two of my three pregnancies, I suffered from hyperemesis, a complication characterized by severe nausea and vomiting. I was sick about ten times a day for months. As terrible as it was, I became numb to my own illness.

However, the illness of others remained a problem. Although I was able to deal with babies vomiting after drinking milk, once they were weaned to food it became more of a problem. Whenever the usual childhood bugs make the rounds, I’m tempted to keep them home from school or avoid leaving the house to prevent them from catching anything.

But being on the front lines as a parent, each inevitable stomach issue forced me to address emetophobia once and for all.

Firstly, I discovered some brilliant grounding and breathing techniques that helped me – and might help you too.

As soon as you feel your anxiety rising, inhale four times and exhale eight times. It turns off your sympathetic nervous system and allows you to access your rational brain. And when you realize you’re overthinking your fear, count down from 100 to three: You can’t overthink while doing math.

Mantras help too. I often say to myself: ‘We’ve been through this before.’ If we need to, we can start again. Or again: “I have the resources I need to get through this”, “I am bigger than these feelings”.

Try to imitate the reactions of those around you when someone nearby is sick. The relative nonchalance – caring but not terrified. When it works, it will boost your confidence a little.

But the most important change is learning not to run away when you feel triggered. A train seat, a party, a busy street, a car. In that moment, I breathe and remind myself that anxiety ebbs and flows – it will pass.

Getting out of these situations can be anxiety-inducing, but by using the right techniques, I come out tired but accomplished.

Last but not least, seek therapeutic support if you can. You can get a referral for counseling through the NHS. Sometimes phobias are rooted in an experience or trauma, and talking about it can really help.

During this time, my life is no longer governed by my phobia. Of course, I get anxious at the sight of vomiting, but I have the tools to eliminate it. And you too.