How to Fix Bake Off

It’s that time of year again! No, not Christmas (which seems to have come very early yet again) – it’s time for Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith to throw a garden party and hand out the money. Bake cake stand for this year’s winner! Excited? Me neither.

Over the past few years, I’ve struggled to enjoy The Great British Pastry as much as before. Maybe it’s my own waning joie de vivre – after all, I was 14 years younger when it first aired in 2010 – but I know I’m not the only one who thinks something is wrong. does not go, frankly, with Bake for the past series.

It’s hard to put your finger on what went wrong – there were no scandals (unlike other similar, ahem, TV competitions). Strictly) and the series remains largely harmless. But the magic has definitely disappeared: it is no longer a must-see, it is no longer a series that we talk about the next day in the office kitchen.

Viewing figures are also down: only 3.9 million watched last week’s semi-final; last year’s finale attracted an audience of 4.38 million, the lowest audiences since its premiere on Channel 4 in 2017). The last final broadcast on the BBC was watched by 14.9 million people – make of that what you will…

But I believe there is still life in this expired sponge. Bosses of Channel 4, if you are reading this, I am offering my services to bring Bake return to its former glory:

Turn on the air conditioning

When bakers practice their creations before filming, they are unlikely to do so outside, under a scorching June sun, with limited space in the refrigerator. When they set foot in the stifling Berkshire tent, they immediately find themselves set back, facing elements they could not have prepared for. And what a coincidence that the hottest day of the year always coincides with the day they are responsible for preparing Alaska in the oven…

If there’s one thing I can’t stand about TV competitions, it’s manufactured drama, and although the anxiety of watching ice cream run down the sides of cupboards makes TV “better” (read: exaggerated), I don’t want to see someone set up to fail. I connect Bake seeing baked goods I could never make, without melting the mess.

And when the bakers start feeling sick and passing out (in the second episode of the current series, we saw Dylan feel unwell, Illiyin faint, and Jeff quit altogether), all the fun is drained away. Bake. Installing air conditioning is such a simple solution, but one that would make a big difference both to us at home and to the bakers who are just trying to do a good job.

Give bakers more time

Speaking of manufactured drama, I’m sick of Paul and Prue complaining about poor quality bread and undercooked sponge cakes when they know full well the contestants didn’t have enough time. I understand that the timed challenges add an element of peril to the proceedings (no matter how much they set up, this is a TV programme, not a village fete), but we are amazed at the success – a lion with a particularly impressive mane made of bread, a cake that looks remarkably like a watermelon – so as not to see the bakers flailing and failing due to time constraints completely out of their control.

If Bake is meant to be a test solely of baking skills – rather than, say, time management, anxiety levels or risk – so producers would give bakers ample (but not unlimited) time to complete their creations as best they can of their abilities. This won’t take away the element of competition – even with all the time available, some bakes will inevitably go wrong – but it will give everyone a fair chance to produce their best work.

Let Alison host alone

No one will ever come near Mel and Sue. There, I said it. They were effortlessly funny, generous with the bakers and started the big Bake tradition of making every insinuation available. But they also blended into the background, allowing the bakers to shine on their own. No one has emulated their winning formula so brilliantly – until Alison Hammond.

She may be a star in her own right and a queen in the hun community, but she’s also incredibly normal (she also rose to fame on a reality TV competition; she was on the show 2002 Big brother) and approaches the bakers with kindness and understanding, even with respect. She’s not prancing around the tent in impossibly skinny jeans, cleated boots and cartoon knitted jumpers – sorry Noel – in the spotlight of the bakers for whom this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Alison is more than capable of hosting Bake all alone.

Stop inventing themes

Sorry, what is “Botany Week”? Over the years, Bake becomes more and more inventive (and I say that in a pejorative way) with its thematic weeks. This year’s new themes include the ridiculous ‘Autumn Week’ and ’70s Week’, ideas which seem to have been pulled out of the wastebasket when Channel 4 told producers they wanted extra episodes. Only last year Bake was forced to cancel its national themes (“Mexican Week”, Japanese Week”, etc.) following accusations of casual racism and perpetuation of stereotypes. You’d think maybe they’re a little more discerning these days and stick to the classics…

There are already far too many episodes – tonight’s finale marks 10 weeks since the start of series 15 – which is surely the only explanation for these frankly absurd themes. Bake shines when it revels in its traditionalism: I’d much rather watch the bakers make a perfect Vicky sponge than any of the flowery, overly complicated pastries that ‘Botany Week’ demands.

Ban the Hollywood handshake

There’s no one on television who believes his own hype more than Paul Hollywood – and it’s all down to his famous handshake. Among Bake faithful, this simple gesture has taken on a displaced mysticism, as if those who have the honor of shaking his hand had been anointed by God himself.

Now, getting the so-called “Hollywood handshake” is just as important – if not more so – than being named Star Baker, undermining the very principle of competition. That’s certainly why Dylan – who has received three handshakes in this series – is one of the favorites to win tonight. This also undermines Prue’s authority as a judge; she often makes self-deprecating comments inferring that her comments do not carry as much weight as Paul’s. It’s hard to watch.

This handshake malarkey has gone too far, and I don’t ever want to see Hollywood reach out for a particularly good lemon curd ever again.

Give it back to the BBC

It’s just common sense that an institution as warm and, well, British as Bake belongs to our national broadcaster – especially since the series has become such an international success. When the series was sold to Channel 4 in 2016, the broadcaster promised to keep the series as it was (without Mary Berry, Mel and Sue, who did not make a channel jump with Paul). But I can’t help but feel that the charm, the innocence, the very essence of Bake was lost – the purity disappeared, the weirdness reached unbearable levels. And let’s not talk about the frustrating frequency of ad breaks…

It’s time for Bake go home.

The 2024 finale of ‘The Great British Bake Off’ airs on Channel 4 tonight at 8pm.