A Guide to Thanksgiving Dinner Conversations and Arguments

By Marc Eckelopinion contributor Wednesday November 27, 2024

“All I wanted to do was talk.” That’s what a student enrolled in my public university course called “Argumentative Writing” said. He was surprised, “caught off guard,” as he put it, that the first two sessions of the course focused on “humility” and “charity.”

During “Humility,” I taught that our arguments should be courteous, considerate, and careful to represent other ideas accurately, while in “Charity,” I emphasized that communication is a work of Community-based, friendly, invitation-only intellectual hospitality.

It turned out that many students thought an argument course would teach them how to engage in – and win – a long-running verbal fight. My teaching was based on listening, concern for others and open-mindedness, notions that these students did not associate with argument.

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As we head into the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday season, on the heels of yet another divisive election season, the chances of a quiet disagreement or loud argument breaking out at the dinner table are likely high. But it is important for Christians to remember that the purpose of fellowship, conversation, and even friendly debate with friends and family members who may have different viewpoints is not to “own” them. » or to “crush” them because they have “bad” vision. current events or major issues.

Those who know me well will understand why I always take a non-combative approach to persuasion. Although I like conversation and discussion, I don’t like conflict and I don’t like arguing in anger. But unbeknownst to the students, my approach in class was not based on my own personality but on biblical truths.

Careful study of Proverbs sets the tone for dialogue. Proverbs 15:33, for example, says:

“The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor. »

And as for charity, Proverbs 15:23 is clear:

“To give a correct answer is a joy for a man and a fitting word, how good it is! »

Christians should carefully consider kindness in our conversations rather than argumentativeness. Remember that during Jesus’ first public reading of the Scriptures (Luke 4:22), his listeners were told: “They were amazed at the gracious words that came from his mouth.”

Conflict and disagreement are important in life, but our argument must be woven with humility and charity.

But what if “humility” and “charity” are not practiced by others, like our friends, neighbors, or family? What if we know that we will spend time with friends and family during the holidays who disagree with our religious, political, or cultural views?

It should be clear that Christians should not resort to approaches that others might deem appropriate, such as defamation, slander, or outright lying about a person or situation. We must not hate anyone because “our war is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers” ​​(Eph 6:11). And we must remember that some people who disagree with us have honest differences, which we will realize if we listen to them (Prov. 18:17).

When it comes to table talk, it may be best to practice the following wisdom from Proverbs, or what I call “The 10 Proverbial Principles for Avoiding Thanksgiving Indigestion”:

1. Restraint surpasses complaint (Prov. 10:19; 17:27). “Many words” can make us say something we regret. It is better to control yourself than to lose control. Hasty speech is foolish (29:20) and Scripture says that a person will be “cast down” by defeat (10:8, 10:10). In short, toning down your rhetoric can end a fight before it starts.

2. Right speech is of great value (Prov. 10:20). “Choice money” language means that a person has chosen their words carefully. Choosing your words carefully is a mark of virtue (Prov. 31:10) because it helps you avoid hurting, irritating, or defaming someone else.

3. Provide good fruit set and a good table. Find ways to feed others. Proverbs tells us that our words can be a “well of life” (10:11) and a “tree of life” (15:4). Words that honor, esteem, praise and encourage are better received than combative language. Find a way to bring “life-giving words” (18:4) to the dinner table.

4. Bite your tongue, otherwise it may bite you. When tempers flare, one is sure to be burned (Prov. 14:29). And if you are too “hasty” in your words, the end result may not be pretty (Prov. 29:20).

5. It is better to be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt (Prov. 17:28). Opening your mouth can reveal what is on your mind (18:2), which is not always the best. Measure your words by silence (11:12; 17:28).

6. Winning a battle may cost war, but overlooking a transgression wins (Proverbs 16:32; 19:11). Resurrecting old wounds (18:4) can break a spirit (15:4), but good words can heal (12:18; 16:24).

7. Anger is not a sin, but a calm spirit (Prov. 15:1) can do more if anger is hidden (Prov. 12:16). On the contrary, the one who “whispers” may simply stoke the embers of anger (26:20), thereby severing relationships (16:28).

8. Speaking without discernment “belittles your neighbor” and often “lacks sense” (Prov. 11:12). Translated into today’s environment, this means that mindlessly jumping into social media is a poor source of knowledge and communication. Proverbs 11:9 states: “With his mouth the ungodly will destroy his neighbor. » Nowadays, “neighbor” can mean “friends” on any digital platform; we can throw many destructive bombs behind a screen. In contrast, the second part of this proverb says that restraint, in our words, “brings” knowledge and understanding.

9. Guarding one’s mouth and tongue allows a person to “stay out of trouble” (Prov. 21:23). The word “trouble” suggests an intense inner distress, from which everyone wants to “escape” (12:13). Everyone knows or has known that arrogant, know-it-all person who creates “indigestion” at the table (21:24).

10. Less is more. You don’t have to tell everything you know. Saying few words is considered wise (Prov. 10:19; 12:13; 14:3; 17:27, 28; 18:21), so consider putting “your hand over your mouth” (30:32) . ), both metaphorically and, if necessary, physically.

The emphasis in this article should be clear: While Christians should always speak the truth, they should also think before they speak and speak with love and kindness. When we escalate or inflame a situation, the only thing we gain is continued aggravation from everyone at the table. Swallowing your words at Thanksgiving can save everyone from indigestion.

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Originally published at Standing for Freedom Center.