Can other people’s anxiety make you anxious? Signs to look out for

You probably know that colds and flu are contagious, and you probably know that lice and ringworm also fall into the contagious category. But what about anxiety? Have you ever considered emotion as a contagion?

Turns out you should: There is such a thing as “contagious anxiety.” “Our nervous system is constantly picking up on these energies around us and trying to get in sync with whoever is near us at the time,” said Jaclyn Bencivenga, a licensed mental health counselor at Thriveworks in Fort Lauderdale.

For example, when a coworker has a negative attitude toward work and vents about you, you are more likely to be negative as well. Or if your partner is worried about missing a flight, you’ll probably feel these emotions too. The same goes for bigger feelings like anxiety.

“Contagious anxiety can occur in the context of close proximity to someone, or it can also occur in a broader context, such as in a grocery store. For example, if you remember the great COVID toilet paper panic – even going to the store or hearing that other people were buying toilet paper – it’s like all of a sudden it has sparked this anxiety in all of us,” said Carrie Howard, a licensed clinical social worker and anxiety coach who is based in Texas but provides services to clients around the world.

Contagious anxiety can also arise during online and social media interactions, Howard added. If your entire social feed is about an impending storm, you’ll feel increasingly anxious as you see constant updates about it.

“Humans are social beings, we are deeply programmed to recognize and respond to emotional cues, especially when it comes to detecting danger,” Howard explained. “If someone near us is anxious, we may instinctively assume that they are sensing some sort of threat that we are not yet aware of, and we then begin to share that person’s alertness to keep us safe as well.”

For our caveman ancestors, this anxiety may have translated into a threat to wildlife. Today, however, the anxiety we feel is likely related to something that isn’t a matter of life and death — like a missed train or a frantic email from a boss.

“I think we always assume, in part, ‘Gosh, well, if these people are freaked out, then I must be freaked out too – maybe I’m missing something they’re seeing,'” Howard added. .

There’s a major sign that you’re taking on someone else’s anxiety.

Let’s say you’re feeling great and all of a sudden when you start talking to someone you start getting sweaty palms, racing thoughts and heavy breathing – “you start, out of nowhere , to feel these symptoms that you would never have had. felt otherwise, but because there is someone projecting them onto you, you start to feel them,” Bencivenga said. “It would be a good sign that you understand how they feel.”

It’s a sudden change in mood that results in feeling anxious after being around someone or interacting with someone online, Howard added.

For example, if you have a work project that you are completely prepared for and your colleague expresses concerns about the project, you will likely question your own work and end up feeling stressed and anxious.

With everyday anxiety, you probably know what’s causing it — maybe it’s a difficult conversation you need to have with your partner or a bill that’s coming due. The same cannot be said for contagious anxiety, however.

“You may also feel like you’re anxious, but you don’t really understand why, and that could be because you’re watching someone feel anxious and then you take on their anxiety as your own,” noted Howard.

You might also notice an unexplained feeling of dread or a feeling that something is wrong, she said.

“It could be because you’re absorbing what someone nearby is experiencing,” Howard said.

According to Bencivenga, setting boundaries can be a helpful way to combat contagious anxiety from a friend, family member, or co-worker. You can do this by limiting the topics of conversation, for example.

“Don’t be afraid to just say: This makes me a little uncomfortable right now. How do you feel about this? Should we talk about anything else? Bencivenga suggested.

You can also redirect the conversation in a less direct, but equally effective, way by talking about something positive instead. You can acknowledge that the person is feeling stressed, but quickly change the subject to an exciting news story you heard or a TV show you like.

This way, “you get out of that anxious conversation and (talk about) something calmer in order to regulate your system again,” Bencivenga added.

“If the conversation doesn’t have to stop, you can also get up and take a five-minute break… go to the bathroom, pull yourself together and think positively,” she said.

Take this time to regroup and remind yourself that these anxious thoughts from another person are not usually thoughts you have and are not usually a problem for you, Bencivenga said. Likewise, if something online is contributing to your contagious anxiety, limit your social media use, Howard noted.

Mindfulness and grounding techniques can also be helpful, Howard said. “Instead of letting someone else’s feeling of anxiety lead you into catastrophic thoughts, bring yourself back to the present moment by reminding yourself that here, right now, you are safe,” Howard explained.

You can do this by connecting to your senses using a grounding technique known as the 54321 method. “This is where you will look around you and identify five things you can see, four things that you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste in your immediate environment,” Howard said.

“Anxiety is basically about your nervous system not feeling safe,” Howard said. “So, think about what you can do to overcome that anxious energy surging through your body and also send safety signals to your brain.”

This might include exercising, taking a walk, practicing deep breathing, or meditating. Co-regulation can also be a good way to calm your nervous system, Howard said.

“So, in the same way that anxiety can spread from person to person, a sense of calm and well-being can also spread from person to person,” he said. she declared.

We live in an anxious world, so it’s entirely reasonable to think that you’ll experience contagious anxiety on a regular basis. To combat this, find your community of calm people who can help you feel calm.