JANA’S SEALED SECTION: In shockingly candid confessions, women who married “Mr. OK” instead of “Mr. Right” reveal the REAL cost of the settlement.

“Why are you still single, Jana?” is one of the most common (and annoying) questions I receive.

The answer is very simple: I have a deep fear of settling down.

I’ve seen friends, family, and acquaintances reach a certain age, panic about their fertility clock or dating numbers dwindling, and in their despair, grab hold of the nearest semi-decent guy and marry him without really thinking about it.

About a year later, they’re sobbing in a divorce lawyer’s office about the sad state of their marriage – or worse yet, still stuck in a marriage they no longer care about.

At least, that’s how I’ve always seen it from the outside. It’s a touchy subject and, honestly, few people are willing to admit that they chose someone beneath them.

But I wanted to dig deeper, so I asked my Instagram followers, who are always shockingly frank when it comes to matters of the heart.

“Have you ever chosen Mr. OK instead of settling for Mr. Right?” I’m looking for women to share their honest stories about what it really costs to get into a relationship,” I asked.

And, oh, how the responses poured in.

If I’m honest, they were grim. It was a stark reminder of how many people have learned the hard way that settling down rarely leads to happiness.

Here are some of the most impactful stories people have shared with me…

“I was 25 and had never had a boyfriend; I didn’t think I would meet anyone. When we met, we had a lot of friends in common. However, I felt from the beginning that perhaps this was not fair.

“We got married five years later: walking towards the altar, I had a terrible sinking feeling. Five years later – 10 years together in total – and after having two children, I made the decision to stop drinking. A month later, I left him.

“I realized the only thing we had in common, other than our children, was drinking. I’ve always had a hard time following my instincts, but ever since I left my husband, I’ve always been ruthlessly honest with myself. If there is no connection, I will not settle.’

Another woman minced no words as she summed up her nearly decade-long marriage to a man who couldn’t satisfy her in the bedroom.

“After nine years of snoring in the bedroom, I finally discovered that there is better out there. I will never settle for bad sex again! ‘

A man also responded with a sad story: he settled for a disrespectful partner because his self-esteem was extremely low.

“I was very obese and calmed down several times.

“I stayed with a girl for two years – despite her insults and mental abuse. I lived in her house and helped raise her two sons, even though she threatened to have the children’s father “fix it to me” every time we argued. His mother also stole my belongings to sell them for cigarettes or alcohol..

“I finally got the courage to leave when I found out my partner was sleeping with my best friend.”

A woman revealed her sister lives with regret after leaving the man she ‘settled’ for – because he did great things after their divorce.

“This is my sister in a nutshell. To her, her husband was average and now she is single and alone after divorce and without a job. Meanwhile, he is now a CEO and loving life. She always wanted more from her perfect man who doesn’t exist.

When I asked her if her sister regretted not staying with her husband, she replied:

“It’s a great moment! My former brother in law was a saint for staying with her for 10 years. She’s had several affairs and, honestly, I’m just glad he’s free. She now realizes that the grass is not greener on the other side. He spends all these “eat, pray, love” vacations, has a brand new house – and she got nothing from the divorce because they never bought property together and his career didn’t really take off until after they marriage.

“She is bad with money, so he never committed to opening a joint bank account or buying a house with her because he knew she couldn’t be counted on. After the divorce, she lives way beyond her means. Botox, hair, nails, clothes, a huge utility for God knows what reason, UberEats every night, weekends alone.

“She didn’t know what she had (with her ex) until he left. He was loyal, hardworking, a family man, but she nevertheless felt that he was beneath him. It’s stupid, it’s stupid, my girl.

And finally, this painfully pragmatic admission from a woman who realized after having two children that she had married a man simply because he offered her a comfortable life:

“He came from a good family, tall, intelligent, ambitious and I was approaching thirty. I knew I would have a reasonably comfortable life and bright children with him.

“I was quite happy but I always felt I was second to his ambition. We married, traveled and lived all over the world. We had two children, then I realized I shouldn’t have married him and should have waited for someone else.

“Ultimately, he ended things, which saved me from having to file for divorce. He met someone through work who had no children and who shared his ambition.

“I ended up getting a good settlement, so I have no hard feelings. I now have financial security and can find my true love. So, in that sense, I don’t necessarily regret getting married for money and “reproductive” reasons.

…I mean, congratulations?

So what is the moral of the story?

Settling may land you down the aisle, but it won’t guarantee a happily ever after. Whether it’s bad sex, incompatible ambitions or realizing the only thing you had in common was alcohol, the cost of settling down is high – and not just financial.

A recent study found that the happiest and healthiest women are those who remain single and childless, proving that marriage is not the golden path to fulfillment that society might make you out to be. make believe.

Before you lock yourself into a life with Mr. OK, ask yourself: Is this a love worth building a future on, or should you wait for someone who turns your world – and your bed – all upside down? the days?

My advice? Hold on, ladies, hold on.