Guilt pushed me to give up my career and dedicate my life to animals. But it came at a cost

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Guilt has led to some of the biggest changes I’ve made in my life. Nothing more than my full-time “career” as an animal rescuer.

It’s an emotion I’ve carried for over 17 years – and while it has helped me save countless little lives, it has also cost me relationships, including lifelong friendships.

A lifetime ago, I was focused on a long career in advertising, working at some of the biggest and best-known agencies in the world. I thought I was thriving; I was really good at my job, managing projects with executives and creatives.

But as I approached my thirties, I began to wonder what my purpose was. Even then, I had a lot of guilt about living a life and working in a job that didn’t really have much substance and meant nothing to anyone outside of the advertising bubble.

Lift the fog

I started volunteering at Monika’s Doggie Rescue, a no-kill dog shelter in Sydney. I felt like a fog had lifted.

I was living for the weekend so I could go back there and find myself among the hundreds of abandoned dogs, all vying for someone to do them a little kindness.

Calley Gibson says it was like a “fog had lifted” when she started volunteering at a no-kill dog shelter. Source: Provided

I then felt guilty too – wishing I could have done more, sad that I couldn’t take each of the dogs home and show them a life of love.

Find a purpose

It didn’t take long before I abruptly quit my job, with no real plans other than to find a way to work with dogs and set out to foster as many dogs as possible.

I started fostering dogs. My first foster was a large black mastiff from a rescue shelter.

Before coming home to me, he had lived in 11 different places – mostly shelters and pounds. My sweet, gentle giant foster dog had cigarette burns on his back and blade marks on his head.

Yet he was the most beautiful being and eventually lived with a family of three young girls (with whom I am still in touch).

What no one tells you about getting involved in dog rescue — or foster care, for that matter — is how addictive it is.

Calley Gibson has been breeding dogs for many years. Source: Provided

Once you have been fostered and rehomed once, guilt sets in and can give you a reason and excuse to foster again. Because “if I don’t help, who will?” »

I did not create the “problem” of lost or abandoned dogs. I did not actively contribute to changing their lives. But because I’m aware of this epidemic of homeless dogs, my guilt about doing nothing or not doing everything can really take over.

In recent years, I have taken my fostering efforts to the next step: starting and running a special needs animal rescue. This type of rescue work is rather specialized. I primarily rescue puppies born with birth defects like cleft palate, spina bifida, and hydrocephalus.

These tiny little newborn creatures come to me because the veterinary world and the dog breeding world have not advanced enough to find value in the lives of these puppies.

Without me and a handful of other rescuers in Australia (there are four of us in total), these puppies would be euthanized either at birth or a week or two later. Dismissed as “wasteful breeding”.

This type of rescue work happens non-stop because dog breeding is non-stop.

Caring for these newborns means tube feeding every two hours, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for six to 12 weeks until the puppy is stable. With that comes exhaustion and fatigue, and the desperate need for a break.

Calley Gibson says the “non-stop” nature of animal rescue work can lead to exhaustion and fatigue. Source: Provided

My shelter is currently closed to new puppy arrivals. At times like these, I suffer extreme guilt knowing that I have the skills and desire to help, but I’m so depressed that I just can’t. This seems selfish and cruel of me, and guilt fills me like a tidal wave.

My compassion had a price

Devoting my time and energy to animal rescue also means paying a price in my personal life. While I prioritized dogs, friends I grew up with were hosting weddings and baby showers that I couldn’t attend.

I lost a close friend because I didn’t know she was going through a divorce and couldn’t give her the support she needed. At the time, I had a rescue dog who gave birth to puppies, one of which had a birth defect and ended up dying.

I felt guilty about being unavailable to the people around me as relief work took up an ever-larger part of my life. Today I have a great support network and lots of friends, but many of them are people I have met through rescue work who can relate.

Similarly, when my maternal grandmother passed away in 2021, I felt immense guilt for not having been more flexible and able to travel from country Victoria to Sydney for her funeral or even to say goodbye on the days preceding his death.

Calley Gibson says animal rescue has become her purpose in life. Source: Provided

She was an integral part of my life, like another parent sometimes. But I know she would have understood, she was always very happy to hear about and even meet many of my rescued animals.

The good and bad of guilt

Animal rescue has become more than just a passion for me. It became my goal. Guilt manifested itself in both positive and negative ways during this time. I feel guilty for not doing enough, for not being able to save them all, and for not having a conventional lifestyle where family, friends, or even romantic partners come first.

On the positive side, guilt is an emotion that has driven me to do so much good. I have personally contributed to the rescue, rehabilitation and rehoming of thousands of dogs and some other unconventional pets.

Without guilt, I’m not sure I would be the animal rescuer I am today. And for that, I am grateful.

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