Midlife crisis? Try Doing 40 Things to Refresh Your Life

Inspired, I bought a blank canvas, wrote the numbers 1 to 40 on it, and then told everyone at my 40th birthday party that I would fill out the list this year.

I started in a fishing and hunting store in Whangarei, trying to choose an underwater rifle, looking like a complete noob, surrounded by much more manly men. A teenage girl (also much manlier than me) showed me how to use the spear gun, and that afternoon I literally took the plunge, coming home with a few fish and a 12-year-old son. extremely satisfied. It was novelty number 1.

Cold water quickly emerged as one of the best ways to experience rewarding adventures. I photographed wild owls and wētā in soggy rainforests and flooded caves (27/40), joined an experienced kayak fisherman (14/40), and signed up for a diving course ( 12/40).

Finding new things to do outdoors brought a deep sense of pride through self-reliance (not to mention a slim body and caramel tan). I signed up for the Auckland Marathon (3/40, gulp), then ran this terrifying thing nine months later.

It was a huge success – even if one of my other races wasn’t. I said fuck it for being a pace runner for a half marathon (21/40), I inadvertently ran way faster than the pace I was supposed to maintain and many people made fun of me in front of hordes of other runners.

Well, it became clear early on that you wouldn’t have a good bullshit list without some bullshit. Mine consisted of being way too excited about my big new tattoo (32/40), deciding to become a part-time tattoo artist, buying $1,000 worth of tattoo supplies (5/40), and then reselling it months later at a huge loss when I realized I may have gotten a little carried away.

On that note, as you undertake your list, you’ll find that you don’t need to define wins as victories and failures as failures. Your fans should love you whether you complete a fun mud run in chains with three people (15/40) or fall off a trapeze in the pouring winter rain (24/40).

Speaking of love, relationships were a theme of the 1940s/40s. Divorced, cynical, and with nothing to lose, I’ve “hung out” with polyamorous people (8/40), tried notorious marital counseling (9/40), and dated a world-class surfer who left me embarrassed on his board. (18/40).

A truly challenging f*** it list should expose you to things that are confronting, even terrifying at first. For some, that means skydiving, running, summit hiking, or bungee jumping. For me, the pain, fear, elation and humiliation were found in performance and theater.

I danced and sang on stage in front of strangers (like Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz2/40), went to a Viking pagan shamanic trance concert (34/40), sang songs I’d never heard of with people I’d never met in a drop-in choir (7/40), helped with a podcast with millionaires (28/40), and auditioned for Joseph and the Amazing Dreamcoat Technicolor (17/40), during which I was cut off halfway and politely shown the door.

The 40/40 list is one I’m never ashamed to show visitors. Embracing shame should instead invigorate your life, whether it’s wearing a silly bib and picking up trash at a festival (4/40), freaking out during a flying lesson (23/40), or awkwardly practicing Qigong in the forest while passing tourists stare (10/40). I reached out to celebrities for my next novel (33/40), dyed my hair and grew a mullet, which probably lost me a few job interviews (35/40), I dumped some useless friends, but I also made some great new friends through the experiences described above.

The message is: children: act childish. Be impulsive. Take risks. Take out acquaintances and bring home friends. Reject the vanilla, choose the spices. Start your 28 Cool Things, or 43 Cool Things, or 51 Cool Things, whatever your age. Get started today.

Don’t slow down, stop, or think your list of exciting things has to look like an influencer’s Instagram. What is scary and challenging is unique and personal to you. Plus, everyone is a noob when they try something for the first time. “The reward is in the discomfort,” as my surfer says.

Question the boundaries you have imposed on yourself. Buy tickets today for crazy adventures to experience in the future. Go out and do some fun chess. Bring stories to the people who care about you. There’s no reason to stop going on adventures as often as possible, so when you’ve reached your quota, keep going.