10 Signs Someone in Your Life Is Experiencing Deep Emotional Pain, According to Psychology

Many people suffering from depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems view their emotional difficulties as a heavy burden on the people around them. As such, they attempt to hide their behaviors and “suffer in silence,” as experts at University Health Partners of Hawaii explain, to avoid stressing people in their lives and coming across as “a burden.” “.

However, especially for people in close relationships, there are still signs that someone in your life is experiencing deep emotional pain, which can help you recognize and resolve their emotional difficulties. Even if you are the person struggling, remember that our healthy relationships are so important and valuable for support: you are not putting a burden on anyone by asking for help.

Here are 10 signs someone in your life is experiencing deep emotional pain, according to psychology

1. They self-isolate

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Many people with anxiety and depression self-isolate as a coping mechanism, to deal with uncomfortable feelings privately and avoid human interaction, according to a General Psychiatry study. While this may be a short-term solution to dealing with their internal turmoil, it only contributes to a larger cycle of loneliness and isolation that negatively affects their health.

The anxiety, insecurities, and generally low self-esteem that people with emotional difficulties often face can negatively affect relationships, as well as personal health, often manifesting in avoidant and anxious attachment styles that prevent people from struggling with having to express and explain uncomfortable emotions.

If you notice a friend or peer overprioritizing their alone time or canceling plans at the last minute, consider this one of the subtle signs that they are experiencing emotional difficulties and avoiding stressful interactions.

2. They have difficulty expressing their emotions

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According to clinical psychologist Matt Boland, emotional detachment not only impacts psychological well-being, it is also rooted in our social experiences, physical well-being, and personal development. Many people struggling emotionally have never learned to communicate and cope with their mental health issues or are too afraid of burdening others by doing so.

While this isn’t necessarily a measure of the health of their close relationships, it can be a sign that someone is struggling when they isolate themselves or turn their attention away from conversations focused on vulnerability.

3. They resort to anger during arguments

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People struggling with emotional regulation and coping mechanisms resort to anger or frustration when forced to express difficult emotions or get involved in conversations that pressure them to open up. Instead of expressing vulnerability to close friends and partners, they withdraw and struggle with internal turmoil in ways that can appear defensive and frustrating to their peers.

Because anger is inherently a stress response, according to orthopedic surgeon David Hanscom, MD, experiencing anxious feelings or emotional distress can trigger this response in people without healthy coping or communication skills. For people who lack the emotional capacity to manage their own emotions or be currently aware of others, arguments and conflicts can trigger this type of anger that is destructive to relationships.

4. They rely on unhealthy vices

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According to a study on loneliness among people with substance addiction, there is an intrinsic link between people experiencing loneliness and emotional distress and their tendency to engage in unhealthy vices. When trying to cope with their uncomfortable emotions, people struggle without healthy coping mechanisms like hobbies or seeking support, instead resorting to escapist habits like ignoring vices.

Even though they may not actively engage in these unhealthy vices with you, there are ways to notice the consequences of substance abuse in your daily life and interactions – from irritability to anger and abusive behaviors. active self-isolation.

5. They sleep more than usual

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According to the Cleveland Clinic, sleeping too long may be a sign of someone suffering from depression or other mental health issues, as it is a direct response to avoiding uncomfortable emotions and combatting associated physical fatigue. to emotional burdens. Another study from Psychiatry Research also links isolation and feelings of loneliness to insomnia and lack of quality sleep in adults.

So even if they are sleeping more, there are signs that someone in your life is experiencing deep emotional pain, which suggests that their sleep quality is insufficient. Many people, to avoid their uncomfortable feelings, also resort to overworking, spending longer hours at the office or taking on additional projects, which can contribute to feelings of fatigue and burnout.

6. They are chronically tired and have low energy levels

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Fatigue is one of the most common symptoms of depression, according to a study published in Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience, and may be one of the easiest signs for friends and family of people who are struggling to notice.

Also contributing to lack of focus, concentration and irritability, fatigue can take many forms, from physical symptoms such as general aches, pains and headaches, to more serious emotional and mental disorders. .

7. They have emotional outbursts

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While people with emotional difficulties may isolate themselves to avoid human interaction and feel like a burden to the people around them, there comes a point when they are no longer able to avoid expressing their true emotions. Sometimes this need manifests itself in casual conversations, but more often it manifests itself in an intense emotional outburst.

Most often a response to conflict and repressed emotions, especially in people who never learned healthy coping and emotional regulation skills in childhood, as psychiatrist Michael MacIntyre explains, these Emotional outbursts can be clear signs that someone in your life needs a little grace.

8. They are less interested in their favorite hobbies and activities

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Although aging, grief and burnout can cause people to have less interest in their favorite hobbies and activities, according to psychiatrist Michael Roman, depression is often the main culprit. Mentally fatigued by constant ruminations and emotional turmoil, these people have little energy to invest in social connections, hobbies, and healthy coping mechanisms like exercise or journaling.

9. Their eating habits have changed dramatically

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Although weight gain or loss and changing eating habits are inherently sensitive, some studies suggest they may be a sign that someone in your life is experiencing deep emotional pain. A 2017 study claims that stress-induced cortisol hormones, which often contribute to weight gain, may increase in lonely people without social connection or healthy relationships.

Additionally, people who lose weight or have very different eating habits may use food as a means of control in their routines, given that they have difficulty coping and regaining the same control over their emotions and their mental health.

10. They neglect their basic hygiene

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According to the National Alliance on Mental Health, poor personal hygiene is one of the most common, but also least discussed and recognized, symptoms of depression among people dealing with deep emotional pain. Although it is usually severe depression and emotional distress that lead to noticeable changes in personal hygiene, people who are struggling are usually indifferent to basic habits like brushing their teeth, making their bed, or combing their hair.

Already dealing with their emotional turmoil, planning and exerting enough energy to accomplish basic tasks can seem just as impossible and overwhelming for these same people.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a writer with a BA in Social Relations, Politics, and Gender Studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.